Friday, May 17, 2013

Masturbation Mishaps Introduction

I decided that since I have all this wonderful Emergency Department experience and all the interesting things I have seen, it is time to start writing.

I honestly am an ED nurse.  I have worked in Emergency for more than 13 years.  I have worked at large intercity teaching hospitals and while I was a traveling nurse I worked in Emergency Departments ranging from 12 beds all the way up to 90 beds.

Now, there really is no difference in the people that you see in the small emergency departments and the large ones.  Rural or Urban people have mishaps.  This one is an introduction to the Masturbation side of the mishaps and then I will have to write about the sexual mishaps too because they are just as wild.

Number 1.  Do not place glass products in your vagina or anus. (Unless of course it is a glass dildo, meant for insertion).  This is to include bottles, beer bottles, rum bottles, wine bottles, light bulbs, nail polish bottles and other assorted glass objects.  Seriously, this one happens all the time.

My latest story about glass objects didn't even come from a patient.  It actually came from a Co-Worker.  One of our tech's decided to say out loud that she had a day when she was so horny and she didn't own any sex toys.  She was hot and bothered and saw no relief, she looked around and didn't see anything more suitable than a bottle of rum.

She covered it at least with one of her rubber gloves and had at it.  Thank goodness she didn't have a mishap and end up in our Emergency Department with a vaginal bleed related to the glass bottle breaking.  She would have had to quit her job.  One would never outlive the stories.

She then stated that when she had company come over within the next week, she offered them drinks but stated that she didn't have any rum, at which time her husband of course said that there was a bottle in the bedroom.  She saved herself by saying that it had been broken and there was no rum left.

There will be more stories coming.......


Pretty Boy Toy Box said...

Nail polish bottles? Good lord! I can't even imagine how that would feel good. Maybe a company should start making dildos shaped like these objects since people just won't stop putting them where they don't belong.

LollyW83 said...

It's the light bulb that got me, that glass just seems so thin doesn't bear thinking about! Still when the urge takes you i suppose lol

joolie said...

I knew a girl who used her steroe remote control. I just don't get some of the ideas people have when shoving objects in their bodies?

Santha Smith said...

Ugggh, light bulb. *shudders*

Seriously though, I get it. I've been there (not light bulbs, but just about everything else). Without sex toys, you just look for anything that might work.

Jessica Jones said...

The light bulb one shocked me as well! Wow, the things people will use. Light bulbs break so easily too. That could be really, really bad.

Sugar Doll said...

The light bulb is what is getting me. I had a friend in high school who used a raw hot dog. Not the smartest thing, it ended up breaking inside of her and she had to go to the ER to get it removed.
I would never be able to live with myself.