Another Mishap, The Piercing

Prince Albert

Stories from the ER. This one is  more of a piercing mishap.  With my years in the ER I have seen some wild things.  Things you wouldn't believe, but yet they are so off the wall that there is no way that I could have made them up.

On one particular day I had a male somewhere in his 20's that came to the Emergency Department because he was having problems urinating.  Nurses tend to jump on this one pretty fast because being unable to pee is very painful and we can easily fix that one with a Foley catheter.

This young man of course, didn't tell us the whole story.  Yes, it had been hours since he had last urinated.  So me, the nice nurse that I am, tell the doctor that I need to get an order to place a catheter in this poor soul.  Order obtained, off to get the Foley catheter kit.  Into the room, explain to the patient what I am going to do and then I pull back the patient's gown.

Well.  Sir, how long have you had that piercing in?  Oh, a couple of hours.  So have you been able to pee since you had the piercing placed?  No.  OK. So why don't we take the piercing out.  So I got this poor guy a cup to place his new prince Albert ring into.  Guess what?  He was then able to pee.

He had a very large ring pierced through the tip of his penis and coming out the underside of the head of the penis.  This ring had a large diameter I could say a 2 or a 4 gauge for those who are familiar with gauges.  I honestly  don't know how they were able to use that large of a gauge for his piercing and I don't recall if this was a first time penis piercing.

This one occurred a long time ago in a large Urban Emergency Department. If this resembles an experience you had, it probably isn't you.  This has occurred more than once for me and I am sure that other nurses can tell the same story.

Anal Mishaps Part 2

Anal Mishaps Part 2

As I mentioned previously Foreign Body in Rectum is very common.  Another one of my experiences.

On a Sunday evening a gentleman came into the Emergency Department with his wife.  It seems that they had been playing around late Saturday night, the wife was using a vibrator around his anus for some added stimulation.  The vibe got sucked up.

This couple was at least honest with the Doctor and staff and let us know that it was a vibrator and yes, it was being used for sexual pleasure.  The man actually tried to take laxatives and other such techniques to try to get it out, but no success.

This man was really an awful patient.  He believed that despite the fact that the vibrator was there for hours that he was truly an emergency.  He was not happy that he was required to wait.  So, instantly he got on the wrong side of the nurses.  This is not a good thing to do.

He had to wait to get to a treatment room and then wait to see a doctor.  He didn't realize that he had come to a very large urban hospital that sees people with things like gunshot wounds and stabbings.  Of course, his vibrator issue was much more important.

When I put my stethoscope up to this man's belly I could actually hear that the dam thing was still on, and very high up in his bowels.  I asked the wife what type of batteries she was using.  This caused her and myself to bust out laughing.  Of course this pissed off the man even more.

He got his X-ray, dang, it’s way up there and it is still rumbling. The man decided that he wants to have something to eat while he is waiting for the surgeon to see him.  It is very hard to explain to a pissed off individual that you can not eat anything because they may want to do surgery.

I will always remember the surgeon asking the man how big it was and the man stating that it was approximately this big with a show of his hands, indicating about 8 inches long and 1 1/2 inches around.  The wife then clarified that it is more like  5 inches long and maybe an inch around.  I guess he wanted to seem like he could take larger toys?  I did tell the surgeon that I would go with the wife's measurements.  This of course pissed the man off.

Eventually the batteries died and the surgeon did come to see him and they had scheduled surgery for the next morning.  He still wasn't able to eat.  I really didn't feel bad for him because he was so awful to all the staff and to his wife.

The moral of the story is to be nice to the Emergency Department staff, it gets you more compassion and don't use toys anally if they weren't meant for anal play.  Get toys with a flange.

These images are not from the actual patient described.

Masturbation Mishaps Introduction

I decided that since I have all this wonderful Emergency Department experience and all the interesting things I have seen, it is time to start writing.

I honestly am an ED nurse.  I have worked in Emergency for more than 13 years.  I have worked at large intercity teaching hospitals and while I was a traveling nurse I worked in Emergency Departments ranging from 12 beds all the way up to 90 beds.

Now, there really is no difference in the people that you see in the small emergency departments and the large ones.  Rural or Urban people have mishaps.  This one is an introduction to the Masturbation side of the mishaps and then I will have to write about the sexual mishaps too because they are just as wild.



Number 1.  Do not place glass products in your vagina or anus. (Unless of course it is a glass dildo, meant for insertion).  This is to include bottles, beer bottles, rum bottles, wine bottles, light bulbs, nail polish bottles and other assorted glass objects.  Seriously, this one happens all the time.




My latest story about glass objects didn't even come from a patient.  It actually came from a Co-Worker.  One of our tech's decided to say out loud that she had a day when she was so horny and she didn't own any sex toys.  She was hot and bothered and saw no relief, she looked around and didn't see anything more suitable than a bottle of rum.

She covered it at least with one of her rubber gloves and had at it.  Thank goodness she didn't have a mishap and end up in our Emergency Department with a vaginal bleed related to the glass bottle breaking.  She would have had to quit her job.  One would never outlive the stories.

She then stated that when she had company come over within the next week, she offered them drinks but stated that she didn't have any rum, at which time her husband of course said that there was a bottle in the bedroom.  She saved herself by saying that it had been broken and there was no rum left.

There will be more stories coming.......