Monday, May 27, 2013

Anal Play ~ Masturbation Mishaps

Anal Play

A very common thing that I have seen over the years working in the Emergency Departments,   Foreign Body In Rectum.  Sounds like a nice diagnosis.  Honestly, I have seen this so much that I cannot give you a number.  I have seen it in the large urban hospitals and the small ones too.

Now, medical professionals do know that people stick things up their bums.  It is not uncommon.  And yes, sometimes people aren't smart and they use objects that should not be used for anal play.  The General public who are not experienced don't always use the best judgement and they don't research these things.  For instance, if you want to put something up your bumm, make sure that it has something on it that will stop it from being sucked up into your rectum.

More than 50% of the time, people give the Medical professionals some wild  story of how the object ended up their ass. Come on, we know how it got there, you don't have to give us the elaborate story.

Here's one,  A man from a town approximately 80 miles from this large urban emergency department. (He drove past at least 5 other hospitals to this hospital). He stated that he was walking along minding his own business and someone grabbed him and pulled down his pants and shoved something up his ass.

He drove 80 miles and  No,  he doesn't want us to call the police from his small town and file a report.  Really?  Most people would like to file a report for that one.

He stated that he didn't know what was shoved up his ass, and oh, it happened the day before.  So he received the requisite X-Ray.  The object only faintly showed up on the x-ray and it was low enough for the surgeon to take a direct approach.  We still did not know what it was and the man did not know.
Now, there are several different ways that health care professionals can do things.  We can be very nice and use the tools at our disposal such as medications and such.  But, when doctors feel that they are being played and lied to they tend to not use all of the tools available to them.

So this nice man had to assume the doggy style position and the doctor inserted a rectal speculum and then a vaginal speculum and dang,  what is that?  We ask the patient again, no he doesn't know what it is.  After many hours of abdominal massage, and speculums that were nicely lubed up the doctor was finally able to grab a piece of what what up there.

It seems that it was a large cucumber.  When I say large, I mean large,  it had a diameter of at least 3 inches.  My dildo's aren't that big, and for those of us who use toys, we know that you cannot do this for your first time.  He didn't have any tearing or obvious signs of trauma.

I honestly cannot remember what it was that we did to continue to get that cucumber out.  This actually occurred a very long time ago and in a hospital that is no where near where I live now.

The moral of the story is that if you do loose any object up your bum, please be honest with the health care professional.  We know that you put it there, we are not ignorant.  It will make for a much easier experience for you.   Also, don't put things up your bum that don't go there.


Liz said...

Great post. Is it bad that I chuckled a bit? Driving that long and bypassing other hospitals is just ridiculous. His ability to take that much is impressive though.

P'Gell said...

Bwaha. I love the image of the ring forceps in the first pic. 50 Shades of the ER.

Angel said...

Oh poor fellow. I guess he thought he could push it out himself instead of going to the ER right way. And ... I can't believe he saying he didn't know what was up there.

Thanks for posting, I am sure those reading will think twice and will also tell others to be careful what they put up their @$$

joolie said...

Oh no, how can we stop these awful butt muggings?!? That was a story born from the 'victim's' panic at being found out.

MissKat20 said...

Umm, pulled his pants down and just shoved something in there? Ridiculous! I don't know why anyone would think that was believable.

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